Gateway drug

First you inhale air to get high on the oxygen. Sure it's good, but it's only there at a 20% concentration, so eventually you need something else.

Next you inhale tobacco smoke from a cigarette. That hypes you up and smooths you out at the same time - what could be finer? But still, it's only nicotine, and it may be wicked addictive, but it's only a mild stimulant, not really a blissful high even when you've graduated to two packs a day. Especially not when you've graduated to two *cough*, *hack* packs a day.

So you need to inhale something else, and now in Massachusetts you can smoke marijuana and even get caught at it without ruining your life. This means that the hardcore stoners, who couldn't evade the draft - and it's not even operating - can stay hardcore stoners.

Of course, now our toddlers will all make bongs out of their Mr. Potato Heads, and the world will end, not in fire or ice, but in a giggle-filled haze of smoke. Oh, and jelly donuts.

Damn that addictive gateway drug oxygen. All responsible Americans must work to ban all respiration from the moment of birth. It's the only way to keep our babies from feeding their munchies at mama's breast.

Or am I just suffering from the 'noids?