Slammin' the spam

My inbox tells me I can have a penis like a fire hose made of mountain ash. Heeey, babyyy!

Finally, as a middle-aged man, I understand what teenage girls feel when confronted with Cosmopolitan. They are fifteen; I wish I had one attribute of a fifteen-year-old.

The spammers are really missing an unfilled need, though. What 50-year-old guys really need is not more priapism than you can shake a stick at. We already have white chest hair and dunlop's disease, and the combination is mutton dressed up as ram.

What we need is a daily flatulence prevention drug. Then at least we won't be repulsing others with anything but our personalities.

Then, too, imagine the political uses, as TML did on the phone! Put the Republican Presidential candidates on a maintenance dose and silence all their verbal effluent. No more wingnuttery with the overpowering odor of bullshit.

Of course, Rush Limbaugh would go broke, and Big Pharma would lose one of their best customers, so maybe it's not a net profit-maker.