GOP contender - McCain

John McCain is not a fundie and not one of the wealthies, and he has disappointingly shown a tiny wee skosh of perspective about bullying everyone in sight.

For cryin' out loud, he's against torture, which is now a core Republican value. You'd think that the Republican base would show him some solicitude since he has actually been on the receiving end of North Vietnamese torture, but the inner dominatrices that they've become really embarrass them. They wish he would just keep quiet about the torture so they can ignore the moral meaning of that brass-studded leather underwear they have on.

Oh, sure, he didn't actually prevent any torture, but he publicly showed up the President in the middle of some presidentin', and that sort of fealty to what's real instead of what's Republican is a sure sign of deep-seated disloyalty.

It's not the only one. There's McCain-Feingold, too, which unfairly restricts the wealthies from jamming their propaganda down all our throats over their airwaves. Never mind that everybody is taking Rte. 529 around that. (Huckabee's even pushing the definition of 'non-coordination' to include people who used to be part of his campaign, sort of like those Romney lobbyists who don't run his campaign.)

But McCain served in the military, heroically, some say. Doesn't that put him in good with the bullies?

Look, if you haven't been paying attention for the past fifteen years, logic might compel you to think that matters to Republicans. It doesn't. What you say outweighs what you did. Saxby Chambliss or Max Cleland? Duhbya or McCain? Duhbya or Al Gore? Duhbya or Kerry? Veterans groups went along with the attacks for purely ideological reasons. Republicans who have never been under fire will swiftboat anyone they need to. They're attacking McCain again even now.

But of course the worst of McCain for the Republican base is that he tried to take down Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell (may he rest in ... a lake of fire). Since their followers are Christians, there's never going to be any forgiveness for McCain's transgression.

What McCain does have is the man-crushes of all the late-middle-aged dopey white pundits. Chris Matthews and Tim Russert act like 12-year-olds with this month's Penthouse around McCain. It's really hard to explain. Maybe they bonded over shared self-service colonoscopies.

In sum, McCain, despite being a doctrinaire conservative on every significant issue, has offended all three of the core constituencies. Against that, the media fellate him regularly (if you're offended by the word, what are you doing here? - also I heard it on "House" just last night), and that helps him keep a good attitude. I don't see how he can possibly win any vote but the press bus, but I have to admit I was premature to stick a fork into his campaign. I'll still wind up right, I think, but McCain can't win without a major implosion of both his opponents.