FBI apologizes

In response to Steven Seagal, the FBI has released the following statement:

The Bureau regrets that it has been unable to provide Mr. Seagal with his day in court. All Bureau personnel have been occupied with on-going surveillance operations.

This was redacted from the original version for its unprofessional tone:

Many of those surveillance operations involve listening to conversations between Dawna and Raeann filled with "like, y'know, totally" - in Arabic where available, of course. These conversations, however tedious, are more interesting than Mr. Seagal's films, though we were pleased to see him killed early in Executive Decision. (Some might say that his character was killed in the movie, but we know from our wiretaps that grandiose faux heroism is all there is to his so-called personality.)

Let's see him jump that snark.